Therapy Thursday: Grieving.

I know that the majority of my posts are lighthearted and about my kids. This morning, as I sit in front of my laptop, I can't help but write this post -- because I don't think I've had a chance to properly grieve over the passing of my Grandma.



One week ago today. I can't believe it's been one week.



It didn't hit me until last night while I was on the phone with my dad...talking about what Grandma's wishes were, about the letters she wrote to my parents and about my mom being in CA without me or my brother to see my Grandma for the last time. The whole thing is just so sad and I'm having a tough time swallowing it all.



I've always had this intense fear of death (thus, my fear that Grandma isn't with us anymore) and my thoughts of caution are always morbid. Let me explain...

I can remember being quite young and fearing the loss of my parents. Not that they did anything crazy -- but I was always scared that something would happen to them and I never wanted to be in a position to see them "un-alive." Now that I have my own children, my fears have turned into protecting THEM and praying that nothing bad ever happens to them...leading in the my morbid thoughts of caution.

I'm going through those thoughts now. While planning this trip to Key West with Ryan, I continue to think about what I'm going to write in my will. What will happen to the kids if something happens to us? What do I want for my children? Who will take care of them? I am realizing that I need to spell everything out -- especially after my Grandma's death -- and hope that those left to care for my kids will honor my wishes. It's just so scary. And it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Death is freakin' scary.

So, I'm sad. I feel sick in my stomach. I can picture my Grandma at her healthiest time in her life and I miss that. I miss seeing her. I know she knew I loved her -- so I have zero regrets. I am just sad.

Will Miss You, Grandma...

On February 11th, my beautiful Grandma passed away. The photo above was taken when Ronan was only a few days old...she had made the trip from Orange County, CA, to San Diego -- where we were living at the time. It was the last time I saw her.

I have the most fond memories of her. She made the BEST lobster dish (which noone can replicate...) She was so independent and loved to take my brother and I (when we were little) out on a bus in Pittsburgh to hit the candy stores downtown. She was versed in life, kept up with current events and always supported the charities she would see on TV. She prayed. A lot. She loved to talk about her journey to the United States in 1975 and was the only one who would share those scary stories about how hard it was to immigrate here.

Although I am deeply saddened by the passing of my Grandma, I am so comforted knowing that she is in a better place, she's finally with my Grandpa and that my children both had the opportunity to meet her. Love you so much, Ngoai.