On top of having a cold...I've had this slight sadness looming over me these past few days. When I left for work the other day, Riley begged me not to go. Then she said, in her quiet little voice, "I feel like I don't even have a mommy because you work so much."
My heart stopped. I glared at Ryan, not knowing what to say...only to see him mouth, "She's being dramatic."
But still...it hurt. And to be honest, it still hurts. I work retail. I'm in the bra and panty business...and I work my butt off when I'm there. People recognize how hard I work there and so I get a good amount of hours...and that leaves me to being home with Ronan during the day, picking Riley up from school, spending an hour with her and Ronan and then getting ready for work. I get home when they are both completely asleep and out for the night.
It's not stressful to me. It's just different. I don't have the perfect balance of work and home, although I feel like the situation couldn't be better -- because the kids are home with Ryan when I work and we don't have to pay for childcare. They get quality time with their dad and it's great. But daddy gets a lot of their fun time. He is the one to take them both to the park and Chick Fil-A. He's the one that sets up the train all around the room and laughs with them when it falls. He's the fun one.
I'm the one that asks Riley if her homework is done. I'm the one that is the drill sargeant in the morning, so Riley can make it to breakfast. I'm the one that hears the whining from Ronan because apparently, he doesn't do that when I'm not around.
I guess I'm just feeling like I'm not the fun one. I don't take them out. I miss their weekends. I miss their night times...
I don't know. I guess I'm just being a baby right now, but guess where they are at...a hockey game with their daddy and I'm here, blogging, cleaning, and getting ready to go into work at 9:30 p.m. I shouldn't complain because lots of people are looking for jobs and can't find any, but man, does it suck not be the fun one.
1 comment:
You're going INTO work at 9:30pm? What time is the mall open until?
I think I've figured out that kids are so comfortable around their mother that most often they use us to vent, to totally and completely dump on, because they know we will nurture. We're mothers. On the rare occasion my parents have had my kids alone (so far away:( ) my mom is always telling me that my kids were angels. They whine to me, but not to Frank. We are an unspoken security blanket to catch the best of them and the worst of them - but I am absolutely positive that this happens because there is not a single more important person in their little lives than us at this point, so maybe we should take it as a compliment. It's proof of their unconditional love!
You are great and a little bit of time away is healthy! You have much to be proud of Maria!
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