I got me some bangs...

Okay, so I took the plunge the other day. Ryan had taken the day off, so on Friday, I decided to just go and do it. I got me some bangs. Nothing of hotness value, but man, I felt so much better afterwards. He cleaned up my layers and now, my hair looks like it has some sort of shape to it... I didn't get many pictures, but this is a self-portrait I took of Ryan and I:

And then here is another one that Ryan took of Ronan and I. I am wearing my dorky glasses, but I had to because my eyes were all red and itchy from allergies. I couldn't handle my contacts for another minute...

Biker Boy (and his sister!)

Shelley bought Ronan a cute Harley shirt a couple weeks ago. He sported it yesterday and I told her I'd take a picture of him wearing it. I didn't say he'd be awake, though...he was exhausted!

But then he got all silly on me and was playing in the kitchen with Riley. He found these sunglasses (which are for a Build-A-Bear -- from Joni) and being that he has a tiny head, they fit him...

And then he thought he'd finally be nice to his big sister (who he had been hitting all day and I mean ALL DAY) and hugged the poor girl right as I took this picture. When he wants to be nice, he can be so cute!

It's so nice when they get along...wish it was like this more often...

Disney...Again...I know!

Having the luxury of living so close to Disney, we decided last minute to go this past weekend. The weather was amazing and the best of all, we were able to stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge for a great deal. Since we've already been to the parks a bizillion times, we opted to enjoy the resort and were picky about which park we'd actually go to.

Ryan was able to get last minute reservations at Hollywood & Vine for a character breakfast on Saturday morning...so we went to Hollywood Studios. We saw the Indiana Jones show. I have never seen the movies (except for the last one), so I can't say it meant anything to me, but it was cool to watch. Both of the kids seemed to enjoy it...here is Riley at the end of the show, in front of the set:

This is Ronan at breakfast. He was overly excited for the characters -- Leo and June from Little Einsteins (his fave show) and Jojo and Goliath from Jojo's Circus.

Ronan didn't smile for the pictures -- mainly because he was to enamored by them and was trying to figure out exactly how many hugs he could fit in before they would leave the table. Riley was just more into them signing her book...but she hammed it up for the camera at the right time!

On a side note, we sorta starved the little dude this morning. Breakfast wasn't until 9:05 and normally, he's eaten 2 waffles at home by 7:30am. But, we held off as long as we could and by the time we got to breakfast, he was hungry! He ate almost 2 of the of Mickey waffles and then the characters started to come by and all was over by then....it was a good try, though!

B-I-N-G-O and flabbo are my arms-O

If you know any little bit of me, you know I have an extreme mental issue about my arms. I suffer from the disease called: ithinkmyarmsarefat. Now, I lift weights. In fact, I really enjoy it. I like the muscle growth I've seen in the past. I enjoy seeing the progress I make, as far as how much weight I can lift, and weight training is also a great way to burn calories.

No matter how much I lift, I can't seem to get my arms to look cut or ripped or even remotely toned. I know...diet...blah blah blah...cardio...blah blah blah...whatever. Okay, so after the lectures, let's get back to what's really important. My arms.

This story I'm about to tell you, is what has made me even more neurotic about my arms and increased the fear that I'm going to die with bingo arms:

I hosted a mommy lunch at my house a few months back and after the lunch had ended, a couple of us stayed and chatted about diet and exercise and other random things. I opened up more about my concerns and stated that I had flabby arms, to which another mom said I didn't. To prove her wrong, I held out my arm and shook it lightly and showed her the waves it made as I moved. The other mom said, "oh yeah they are, how did they get that way?" I told her "probably from poor diet and lack of exercise, I don't know..." but what I really wanted to say was, well, I probably shouldn't write what I WANTED to say.

I about died. Now, I wasn't asking for her to say, "oh Maria, they look great!" or "Maria, everyone's arms shake a little..." No, the girl confirmed my biggest fear and no joke, I looked into liposuction that afternoon. Don't worry, I'm not doing it, but don't think that I wasn't considering it!

I feel them shake when I fold towels. I see them flab around when I hold my arms out for hugs. It's such a huge insecurity I have, that I notice them all the time. When I'm at the gym, lifting, I stare at the little dimples on my arms that are magnified by the lighting and wall-to-wall mirrors.

But this is what they look like when I flex. I'm no body builder, but I don't think they look too bad. I just want to know why they can't look like I have even the tiniest bit of muscle tone when I'm not flexing. It's so annoying.

So yeah, I love lifting weights and thanks to the oh-so-honest mommy from that lunch, I'll continue to lift weights until I can't do it anymore. I guess I should thank her for her honesty, but man, I can't say it didn't hurt just a little....

I need a haircut...I really need a haircut...

It's been since July. Of 2008. Yeah, you read that correctly. It has been 8 months since I've had a haircut or trim or anything stylish done to this frock I call my hair. I don't know why I haven't gone. Let's see, Ryan and Ronan go about once a month, at about $12-15 each. Riley hasn't gone since before Kindergarten, but that's because she doesn't want to and she wants her hair to be LOOOONNNNNGGGG.

I feel guilty spending the money on it. What would it cost me? Uh, about $35-45 with a decent stylist, right? And I know I wouldn't go every 6 or 8 weeks...but I still cringe when I think about the money I would be spending on dead keratin.

Does it stop me from complaining about it every few days? Absolutely not. I talk about it everytime I find a new gray hair or if I can't get my hair to part in the right place. I think I want bangs. I don't know. If I would just make a stinkin' appointment, I could get it all over with. But, I'm stubborn and I probably won't.

EXCEPT, for the fact that I'm in Rochelle's wedding and I'd like to mask my scary forehead. I'm going to have to take the plunge in the next week or so...just in case I don't like what they do. I should just start wearing wigs.

CKITW: Cutest Kids in the World

Every mother thinks their kid is the cutest, I know. Heck, I think my friends have the most adorable children born on this planet...but there are just some days that I look at them and think "man, I must be the luckiest mom in the world." Yesterday, was one of those days.

Riley eats a popsicle almost everyday when she gets home from school. They are sugar-free, okay? (Haha.) Anyway, Ronan decided that yesterday was going to be the day he was going to give it a shot and take a lick. He did. At first, it may have seemed as though he liked it, but he quickly turned his nose and decided it wasn't for him...oh well, it was worth a shot!

Ronan is a hambone. He will now say "cheesh" when I point the camera at him and tell him to smile. He's so much like his sister, in that regard. Listen, my kids are part-Asian. They are used to the camera and having a ton of pictures taken!

Seriously, how cute are they? I can't believe that they are mine. I'm so lucky. Even with the whining, the crying, the tantrums and the demands, they rule my world in the most amazing way. Thank you, Ryan, for being the baby-daddy and giving me the most PRESH kids in this world. Okay, enough emotions for the day.

Shuttle Take-Off

We had the amazing opportunity the other night to see the space shuttle take off from our front yard! We saw them counting down on the news and Ryan wondered whether or not we'd be able to see it...and sure enough, there it was. By the time I had even considered bringing out my camera, it was just the leftover smoke...but it was still pretty cool, nonetheless.

If you look closely in the the second picture, here, you can see a tiny white speck in the top left quadrant of the photo. That is the shuttle. How freaking insane is that?

Anyway, you don't get to see those too often and especially not from your front yard. I'm looking forward to hearing the sonic boom the shuttle makes when it comes back into Earth's atmosphere. Ahhh, the little things in life, right?

My Little Monkey

Who would have thought that we would be this excited about a kid eating a banana?

Love him so much....

Progress, baby, progress...

I hope you are sitting down for this.  You probably are, since you're at your computer and how many people stand while they are on the computer...unless it's on a higher table...anyway...

Ronan has been going to therapy for his feeding issues for about 3 weeks.  Miss Janet is his therapist and seeing what Ronan has accomplished this past week, well, I would have to say she's pretty awesome.  

Ronan has a hypersensitivity to texture.  That, along with his allergies, basically makes eating and meal times a nightmare for us.  Our visits to Miss Janet are designed to just get him used to different textures and perhaps, put those different textures into his mouth.  He's been "playing" with applesauce a lot and though I can't ever see him eating it, we re-introduced the banana at the session and believe it or not, he actually ate it this weekend.  I about died.

I eat at least 2 bananas a day.  It's the only fruit I like.  Well, it's the only fruit that I will eat without something sweet on it.  I offer it to him every single time and every time, he says no. Then came Sunday morning and when I offered it to him, he said, "yes."  I thought he was messing with my mind, so I said "no" and he yelled back "yes" and well, I offered him the banana.  The boy took a bite!

He had this nauseous look on his face, so I was scared he would freak out, but he didn't.  He went back for more.  He ate almost half a banana and with each bite, came a cheer and some high-fives.  

The next day, he had another half of a banana.  You would have thought he graduated college...I was so excited.  Because it's not just the banana.  It's starting to filter into other things too.  He licked a Flintstone vitamin.  He took a bite of a gummy candy.  He licked a popsicle.  It's just all these things I didn't think he'd ever do.  It's been a slow and long road and I'm sure I'll have lots of obstacles in the way -- but this, my friends, is progress.  

(Who knows, someday, he could be some famous chef or something...wouldn't that be funny?!)

Wanted: Cleaning Lady, for free.

If it isn't laundry, it's cookie crumbs. If it's not that, it's the looming fear of what lurks in Riley's room. If it's not that, it's the toy explosion in the livingroom, or the playdoh bits all over the kitchen floor, or the dishes in the sink, or the goldfish crumbs underneath the ottoman...it's never-ending.

It's exhausting. I am constantly doing something, as far as the housework goes. And even after I feel like I've accomplished something, I turn around and a bucket of cars has just been dumped in the middle of the livingroom...or Riley's started painting ON her art table and not on paper...or Ronan decides to do the RiverDance on his waffle cookies.

I have dreamed of a cleaning lady. Like the one that comes everyday, in the morning and cleans your entire house by lunchtime -- while you sit in your livingroom, on your laptop, watching the Today Show, munching on crumpets and sipping tea. Then, I get a slap on the face by my two-year-old who wants me to play Thomas and I am back to reality...that I am, in fact, the cleaning lady.

I clean every morning. I vacuum, I clean the kitchen, I do laundry, I pick up toys...but by the time Ryan comes home, it looks as though I have done nothing. Wonder what he thinks I really do all day long...Facebooking, right? Occasionally, I have something to show for my time. Yesterday, I had Riley's room spotless. So, when Ryan was home, I sent him to her room to praise my progress. And then this morning, I woke up to see that Riley's art table (that I had spent 25 minutes scraping paint off of...) was marked with paint and covered with dried brushes and papers stuck to the table. How depressing. (But she's 6, what can I do? Tell her to not paint?)

So here I am, back to square one again, wishing I had a cleaning lady; someone who would do it for free because we all know that in this economy, stay-at-home moms make no money. (Boy, do I wish I was an AIG executive with that nice bonus...but, I digress). Anyone want to work for free? Didn't think so..

Harrisburg and Tampa Egal's Family Reunion: Disney (Where else would it be?)

Yes, we go to Disney all the time. I mean, why shouldn't we? We have annual/season passes and we live less than one hour away. I think it makes up for the first 30 years of my life in which I have never experienced the World I call Disney. Haha.

So, last year, after a huge family vacation debacle, my sister-in-law, Courtney, and I decided to plan our very own amazing vacation. With some phone calls here and there, we opted to do the Disney vacation with our families. We planned and planned and planned. I set-up dining reservations and the week finally came...February 13th-22nd, 2009.

The Harrisburg Egal's arrived at Orlando's International Airport, after several delays, and we met them at the Wyndham Bonnet Creek. Courtney's grandparents have a timeshare and they graciously gave it to them and allowed us to stay with them for the week. The first night there, I made us reservations at the T-Rex Cafe at Downtown Disney. It's basically like the Rainforest Cafe (in fact, they are owned by the same company, I believe), and although overpriced -- it was a cool atmosphere and pretty awesome for your dino-lover. This is a picture of Maggie, Ronan, Conner and Riley outside of the restaurant.

Afterwards, we walked around Downtown Disney and did some light shopping. FYI, I bought nothing. I was a good girl.

The next day, we went to Magic Kingdom. Poor Conner wasn't feeling so great, so we didn't get to ride too many rides, but they did get to walk around for a bit. That night, we had dinner reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, 'Ohana. The food is amazing and if you starve yourself all day, you can really stuff it in at night. I saved myself for the shrimp and the bread pudding. Love that stuff. I think I gained about 3 pounds that night, but it was worth it.

On Sunday, it was breakfast at Chef Mickey's. I really enjoyed it and I think the rest of the family did too. You get to be right up close and personal with the characters, as they all stop at your table, sign autographs and you can take pictures with them. Unfortunately, this was also the start of Riley's 5-day fever/illness. The girl was sick all week...with a fever ranging from 102-104.6. It was awful. It even got to the point where we drove all the way back to Tampa so she could go to her pediatrician...who chalked it up as a virus. Poor thing had a sore throat all week and was not up for doing anything. She moped around a lot, you couldn't blame her...but in the midst of it all, she still could smile for her momma...
This is Ryan and Jason at Chef Mickey's.

Here are the kids with Chef Mickey, himself. I was probably more excited than all of them. I couldn't stop flashing my camera...I just love Disney...

Ever since their birth, Riley and Conner have always had this connection. Conner is 2 months older than Riley, even though he looks like he's 2 years older than her! He's really tall. Anyway, no matter how far away we are, they have remained close...and I just love it...

Oh and here's a picture of the kids with Buzz.

Now, the surprise of the week for me, was how close Maggie and Ronan became. The last time they saw each other, Ronan was still an infant, stuck in a carseat. He might have just started walking at the time, but they definitely did not interact at all. In fact, I think Maggie would get extremely jealous if Courtney held him...but not this time around...

These two played so well. Ronan would follow Maggie around and Maggie would make sure he was included in everything they did. Ronan imitated everything she did and you could see how close they were becoming each and everytime they played together...

After they left our house for the airport, Ronan asked for Maggie (it was so sad...). Hopefully we'll be able to see them sooner than later!

All in all, the trip was good -- considering the illnesses. We love spending time with them...we miss them so much. And maybe someday, we'll live near each other -- as long as it's in a place that doesn't snow!

Love you, Harrisburg Egal's. Miss you lots!

What Facebook Means to Me, An Essay...

I'm kidding, I'm not writing an essay, although I probably could...with as much time as I spend on it.

It started a while back after the MySpace phase. I couldn't handle how MySpace was, so I turned to Facebook and unfortunately, I've been hooked ever since. Ryan calls it an addiction. I call it, well, a neb-noses version of a porn site. I check it all the time. I look for new people to "friend" - which isn't a noun anymore, it's a VERB. If you don't know what that means, it basically is the process of finding someone you know and asking their permission to accept you as their friend, so that you can look through their pictures, read what their friends post on their wall and see what their status is everyday or everytime they choose to change it.

I really enjoy it. I have caught up with many people this way and although I probably won't hang out with them on a regular basis, it is nice to be able to see how they have been doing and how many babies they have.

There is a downside. Even with all the privacy settings I have in place, I can't control what others post or what photos they share with their friends. I have blocked my in-laws. I have blocked several people that are associated with my in-laws...but that still didn't stop them from spying on me and my family.

Last month, I went to Disney (post to follow with pictures) with my brother-in-law and his family (the only in-laws we talk to). We met up with Ryan's cousin (who happens to have a Facebook account and how we reconnected was via ME and Facebook). She posted a picture of my kids and her kids and coincidentally, an in-law friended her that same week we were in Disney and tah-dah, they saw pictures of my kids.

Now, originally, I was freaking out. I felt like I was violated. For real. I contemplated deleting my Facebook account altogether. I was furious that they would be so shady in suddenly friending someone I was friends with and although I can't say that it was the only reason...it seemed like they had ulterior motives on their end. Ultimately, I chose to keep my account because I have good connections there. I can't let them control all these aspects of my life. I had to get over the fact that they had access to pictures of my kids. I guess I just have to suck it up and think that they are missing out on the cutest kids in the world...and they don't and won't ever have the chance to know them.

The whole internet thing can be so scary sometimes. This blog was once NOT PRIVATE and because of them, I had to change it. You just never know who can access what, even if they are labeled as family.

Anyway, even though I love FBing (Facebook-ing), I'm starting to get tired of it. What do I really care what everyone is doing at every hour of the day? I don't think I really do...but it's fun...and it takes me out of the reality I live everyday (even if it's only for 5-minute stints here and there!)

Pittsburgh, Part 3

While I kept Riley out of school for a few days, I had to make up for it (or make myself feel better) by taking both of the kids to the Pittsburgh Children's Museum. It has changed so much from when I was younger, but for the better! It still has the Mr. Roger's Neighborhood room -- and although neither child has any idea who the guy is, I was amused by it and enjoyed watching them run around the room for 40 minutes. We went with my cousin, Alin...

Riley and Alin next to the famous sneakers. (Riley had to ask me what sneakers were. When she realized it meant "tennis shoes" she asked, "why didn't he just call them tennis shoes?") Ahhh, smart. The third floor of this building houses a "Water Play" area. They have two big pool type basins where the kids can push sailboats, splash water and watch how certain objects respond to whirlpools. It also has a large area of water that comes up from the ground and the kids have the chance to build a "plumbing" system, watching how the water moves through tubes. Ronan absolutely loved it. He was so willing to put on the raincoat and water shoes. He tried out every single task that was offered. Riley, on the otherhand, started to freak out because she was getting wet. Funny, though...we were in an entire room of water. It took her 40 minutes of standing around before she finally got into the activities...

If you ever have the chance to go, it's a lot of fun. It's something I'd take the kids back to if we had the time. They were so entertained and the best part, is that for the 5 hours we were there, we still didn't get to see EVERYTHING.

And that is how Ronan felt when we had to leave. He literally freaked out as we walked out the door of the museum. He screamed over and over, "I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go, Momma." It was so sad and even though we could have gone back for a little while longer, I was hungry and let's face it, he's not the boss.

The next day, we went shopping for Riley's shoes for the wedding and after 5 tiresome hours, we finally found them at Payless. That night, we had dinner with the parentals and Uncle Mike and the kids and I hung out at Rochelle & Steve's for a couple hours. The kids truly had a blast there. Let's just say that when we left, Ronan spent the 20 minutes in the car screaming for Steve. Not the way you want to end the night, but I was happy they love them so much....I don't have pictures from that night, but I know Steve does, so I'll have to get them from him...

Pittsburgh (Part 2)

Alrighty, so the MAIN reason we went was for Rochelle's bridal shower. Riley was SO excited about it. Not only did it give her a reason to dress up, but she was going to get to see Rochelle! Riley's looking forward to being a flower girl and you could totally see it that morning at the Country Club. Aren't they so cute?!
And the one below is of the entire bridal party...

That same night, we planned her bachelorette party. It had been such a long time since I had gone out "clubbing" that I had no idea what to wear -- as you can see by my dated outfit. I might as well have been wearing pegged jeans and a sweater vest. I'm getting old.

Rochelle was so funny that night...the girl can dance! She spotted this man (happily sporting a 10-90, aka a MULLET) and scooted her way over there so I could take a picture. The guy had no idea he was in it.

By the end of the night, our group had dwindled down from 28 to 6. We had danced and danced and danced and no joke, at 1 am, we all literally stood in a circle, swaying from side-to-side in a complete trance. Rochelle decided that the night was over and so we went outside to wait for rides and get fresh air.

Now, when your shoes hurt at the beginning of the night and you still wear them...you know it isn't going to end pretty. A lot of us suffered through it but forgot our feet hurt when we danced. I can't say we didn't suffer, though, when Rachael (Rochelle's sister), graced us with her little sausages at 1:30 a.m. Something just isn't right about these feet. And yes, she wore pleather leggings out in public. (Rachael, I liked the outfit.)

Trip to Pittsburgh (Part 1)

Last week, we threw my Little (Sister -->Sorority), Rochelle, a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Being that it was in Pittsburgh, I only had two choices. One, drive 15 hours with two kids and pray that I make it there without having to stop every 2 hours to change a movie OR two, fly with two kids and pray that they wouldn't drive me and every other passenger insane. I chose number two. I was really excited about going to Pittsburgh to see my Little, so I was blinded by the fact that I had agreed to get onto a moving object, high in the air, with two demanding little people.

The night before the trip, I started freaking out. I was anxious and stressing hardcore about what I committed to do. I looked at Ryan several times, wondering if I should take either or both children. When we arrived at Tampa's airport, there was no turning back. We were going...

Lucky for us, the Southwest people happened to be really nice that day. The lady behind the check-in counter was friendly and actually offered to give Ryan a pass to come to the gate with us. What a saving grace that was! I wasn't stressed going through security. I was happy to wait for the plane...and then it was time to leave. I started to sweat (mostly because I was dressed for Pittsburgh weather and not Tampa weather) but as we stood in line to board, I truly questioned whether or not I had made the right decision.

We boarded and the kids were ecstatic. Row 18. That was the lucky row. We had it all to ourselves. Ronan was in window, I was in the middle (oh, lucky me!) and Riley had the aisle. It was great. We sat, listened to the flight attendants do their thing and off we went. This leg of the flight was great. Ronan was so happy.



I downloaded some Disney shows onto my iPod and put on some cheap headphones. The boy was happy. There were 6 shows on there, 23 minutes each. He didn't make it through one of them. He would make me change it to something else. I was sure that if could manage to watch every show in its entirety, we'd make it to Pittsburgh in absolute peace. Nope.

Ronan: "I don't wanna watch Doh-wah." (Dora)
Me: "Okay, Ronan, what do you want to watch?"
Ronan: "I wanna watch Doh-wah."
Me: "Okay, buddy, you ARE watching Dora."
Ronan: "I don't wanna watch Doh-wah. Ein-tine." (Einsteins) -- Volume is much louder.
Me: "Okay, Ronan, I'll change it to Einsteins."

And so I did. And after literally, two minutes, he wanted Dora or back to Einsteins. It was really annoying and it got to the point where I started to feel nauseous. He was tired and that's when I decided to hold him tight and try to get him to sleep. With about an hour left of the flight, little dude was peacefully asleep in my lap...ahhhh, quiet.

But wait, I have another child...Miss Riley!

What an absolute angel. She is completely capable of keeping herself entertained and happy -- as long as she has something to do and a snack to match. She gleefully played with her Nintendo DS and when she was over that, she colored...for over an hour. The flight attendants stopped every so often and checked on the status of her work...but it was awesome. I think that if my kids were like that on every trip, I'd fly everywhere....

This is my brother, Mike. He lives in Pittsburgh with his girlfriend and the last time we had the chance to see them, Ronan was only 5 months old. The night we arrived, Mike and Jess came to see us at my parents house and the kids LOVED him. They were all over him. It was really nice to see them hanging out and playing with him -- we're looking forward to seeing them when they move to Florida!

Our first night was great...the kids were spoiled, they hung out with family/friends and we made it to Pittsburgh in one piece...if only the flight home were just as easy (haha...more Pittsburgh trip reports to come...)

Am I doing this whole 'mom' think all wrong?

I could cry while I write this post because I feel like I have become Riley's worst nightmare. Let me rephrase. I have become my OWN worst nightmare, as far as parenting my daughter goes.

I want to start off by saying that Riley was the CENTER of our world for 4.5 years. She was an only child for so long (and almost stayed that way) and then when Ronan came along, it all changed for her. I worried when I was pregnant about how I could love another person like I love Riley and asked every mother of more than one kid, if it was humanly possible to share the love like that. Reassured by every mom that love doesn't divide -- that it grows -- I became satisfied with the fact that Riley would never feel like we didn't love her any less when Ronan came along.

Now that Ronan is here, I sometimes feel like I don't give her enough of me that I should. I spend a lot of time with Ronan and it's warranted. He's 2 years old and depends on me more than she does...and to be fair to him, I devoted 4.5 years to just Riley, so I feel like I owe it to him to give him attention when it's just us during the day...but when the two of them get together and the fights begin...well, I don't know.

I know I spend a lot of time reprimanding Riley. In my mind, I feel like she should know better than to flip out on him and while I put Ronan in "time-outs" for hitting his sister, when she retaliates, I am just saddened by it. I know, she's 6. Kids do that. I get it. I am not saying she needs to be perfect or understand 100% of the time. I am just at a loss as to what to do as a mom for her. I don't want to yell at her all the time and lately, I know that's what I do.

So, now we are at a point where I think she just absolutely hates me. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word...but I know she doesn't like me as much as she used to. I know she LOVES me. But, I always envisioned that I would have this best-friend/mother-daughter thing going and it's not there. She doesn't confide in me at all. She tells her secrets to her friends' moms. Granted, it might be the cooler thing to do, but I can't say I'm not devastated by it.

When Ryan "confronted" her about a secret she had told my friend (and he did it in a way she'd never know we were told by my friend), she denied it all and reassured us that she wouldn't keep secrets from me. She never did divulge the secret to me. And then there is part of me that thinks that she even forgets what secrets she tells. She has extreme ditzy moments...and we can't fault her for it...it's part of being a kid, I guess!

I don't even know what I'm writing about now, other than the fact that I have realized that I am becoming my dad...the man that terrified me growing up with how strict he was...and it drives to me to tears. I don't have a close relationship to my mom. I talk to her, but not about anything that matters to me...and now I'm horrified that I have created that same dynamic with my own daughter.

Yesterday, we went to Target (what day would be complete without a trip there...) and bought a movie for the kids. In the process, Riley talked us (or Ryan) into buying her a toy and it came with stipulations...that she had to clean her room and play nice with Ronan in the process, before the toy could even be opened. She hurried into her room with Ronan and cleaned feverishly. Everything was picked up, the room even smelled good (she sprayed something pineapple-scented) and while putting things away, decided to stand on her art desk and jump onto the princess couch. Well, Ronan is an imitator. He does what he sees. So, he decided to get on and jump off, too. He didn't wait her her to get off, so they collided and no doubt, it hurt her. BUT, he didn't do it on purpose. She was so angry and so pissed, she went to "choke" him and knowing I was in the room, opted to pinch his arm really hard. I was so furious with her, I took the toy and told her it was not going to be opened.

She flipped out...Riley style. Slamming her feet, pouting, doing the "hmph" sound and furrowing her brow. It irritated me to no end. So, I told her to chill out and to talk to us when she was done freaking. An hour later, Ryan checks on her and sees this on her door:



Nice, huh? We laughed about it in the living room, where she couldn't hear...but I can't say that I wasn't upset about it. She came out and apologized, but not because she felt bad, but because she wanted the toy. She would never ever treat any of her friends' moms that way, but is fine to do that to me, and it's hurtful. She only yells at Ryan and I...and it scares me that she's only 6. Imagine what I have to look forward to when she's 13.

I'm venting, I know. I'm just nervous. I don't know what to do with her. I don't know how to react to anything and honestly, it makes me sad. I see so much of my dad in me now and that scares me. I resented my dad for years and years and although we have a good relationship now, it didn't come without years of heartache. I can remember wanting to run away almost every night while in high school...but not doing it because I didn't know what to do. And I know that Riley and I will more than likely have those moments, too...but I don't want them to happen now. I just feel like a bad mom. I feel like I am not giving her enough love like I should, but when we start to have awesome moments together, her fuse breaks and the moment is quickly lost. What am I supposed to do? She's a great kid and honestly, it's only a sliver of our day, but when it DOES happen, it's big and traumatizing. I just don't want to fail her and I don't know how to react or cope without damaging her for life...

Gasparilla Morning

This past Saturday, we went to our 2nd annual Gasparilla here in Tampa. It's basically a "pirate invasion" and they have a 'Mardi Gras' type celebration for it. There is a huge story behind it and I've heard it a couple of times, but for me to describe it, well, I'm not good at that. Haha.

Anyway, for us, it's an excuse to get out of the house, head to Ryan's base and sit outside catching beads. It was an early morning for us...but worth it... Here are a few pictures of us Pre-Gasparilla celebrating...


Ignore the ginormous growth of a zit on my forehead. It's so big, it looks 3-dimensional. What is up with adult acne? For real. I thought I was over that from high school, but apparently, my life isn't complicated enough to not have to deal with blemishes and questions from Ronan...when he points to the big pimple and says, "whas dat?"

I'm sorry, how cute are they?

Did I Really Just Get Talked Out of It?

On my Friday work shift, I walked in with the intent to quit my job. One manager, I really like, so when I saw her, I just knew...that it wasn't going to go well.

I told her that the scheduling was an issue for me...that with Ryan's upcoming schedule, I wouldn't be able to be an asset to them because of the lack of "knowing" when I would be available to work. Being the nice person she is (she's from Pittsburgh and I think that has a lot to do with why she likes me)...she reassured me that they would "work with me" and to wait it out.

I have ultimately decided that I'm not going to work on the weekdays...that I'll leave Saturday and Sundays available to work, but the hours I get there are not worth the stress of having to deal with innately rude people.

Anyway, this event completely exemplifies the type of person I am. I can't say no. I can't stand my ground. I'm a butt.

I'm a planner. I'm not a planner. I'm a planner...

Apparently, when it comes to certain things in my life, I'm a certified schizophrenic.

If you know me, you know I plan. I plan everything. I'm really good at planning out Disney vacations, appointments, schedules and keeping track of life activities. But, I don't plan out meals. Why? I have no idea. It's not like I don't know that everyday, we'll be eating dinner. It's not like I don't have time during the day to prep what we need to eat that evening. I have found myself standing in front of our "empty" pantry, wondering what we're going to eat for dinner.

And now that we have basically decided to not eat out as often as we have in the past, it's essential that I plan out what we are going to eat. I don't know what is stopping me, other than the fact that I'm bored with my recipe repertoire. We eat the same meals. Over and over and over again.

We eat lots of chicken.

I'm over chicken. BUT, we can't stop eating it. We thrive on the protein from it and I know there are so many different things you can do to it, but we don't do it. I have cookbooks. I have recipes. The problem lies in the fact that I stick to what I am used to, what I'm comfortable with, and what ingredients I have readily available in the my house.

So, I have decided to plan out our meals...starting with this upcoming week. Okay, so here goes...

Monday: wait, I can't plan anything because I might have to work...
Tuesday: ooops, might have to work again...
Wednesday: ahhh, probably have to work, but not sure...
Thursday: slight possibilty of working, but then again, how would I know?
Friday: Disney, we are eating out...

So there you have it. I can't plan a thing because I have no idea when I'm working. Yeah, you heard me. I work retail. I don't work in an office. I don't have a desk I sit at typing furiously at the computer...I stand behind a register, asking customers if they found the panties they were looking for and if they want to sign up for a credit card they can't afford and pressure them to do so because the amount of hours I get depends on it.

It's horrific. I'm not sure why I'm subjecting myself to it. The fact of the matter is that they are supposed to give you your schedule for the following Sunday...by Wednesday. That means on Wednesday (uh, yesterday), I was supposed to know if I would be working Sunday through Saturday of next week.

I went into work last night and the schedule was still not finished. I went online today and it's not up. Wonder if I will know on Saturday afternoon if I'll have to be there the next day. It's a planner's nightmare and even worse because I have a family I cannot plan anything with...

Okay, I'm done venting...

And God Created Man...

Riley has zero concept of time. What takes a matter of minutes would be described by Riley as taking hours or even days. Her memories of past events generally happens "last night" or "when I was 2 years old." She will recall things like, "oh, remember when I went to Sea World last night?" or, "I remember seeing that movie when I was like 2 years old."

So, while sitting at the dining room table just now, she walks up and says:

Momma, when was the first person created by God? It was a long time ago, right? Like in the 1960s or something? Were you alive in the 1960s and did you know Ben Franklin?

I still haven't answered her because I am not sure of the year...and apparently, Riley wants a number to go along with the answer. She's looking at her Bible, though, hoping she finds something...maybe it'll be a picture of the Beatles...they were around in the 60s, right?

Gotta love her...
(Did I happen to mention that I suffer from this, too? Like mother, like daughter.)