Picky Eater + Illnesses = Frustration for Momma

I have posted about this before. Ronan is a picky eater. Beyond picky. Obsessive picky. Add in his allergies to peanuts, eggs, milk and treenuts AND his aversion to mushy textures and we've got problems. Major problems.

I used to take him to speech therapy for it. The therapist would make him touch all different foods I'd bring in (applesauce, cereals, breads) and we would sit in hopes that a trace of it would make it to his mouth. Rare. You expect your kids to put their hands in their mouths after they touch everything, yet my little man would turn on his "don't put my hands in my mouth with that applesauce on there!" radar and well, I'd be left sitting in this office, wiping his hands with a dozen baby wipes.

I'm frustrated, to say it nicely. We've catered to his allergies -- obviously avoiding them all so he doesn't get sick or end up in the hospital. I've been nice to him by making him his nuggets and tater tots and fetching his ice/water. But, I'm tired of it. I feel like everytime he gets sick, it's because of his crappy eating and frankly, I'm just exhausted...emotionally. What the heck did I do wrong? I'm used to being judged. I know people judge me all the time because of his eating habits and while I sit and justify all that I do...I don't feel like they understand what I go through and the tears I shed as I stand in the kitchen staring at the fridge just praying that maybe, just maybe, Ronan will hold the apple.

We eat fruits and veggies. Riley eats everything. She'll try anything just once. In fact, the girl loves fruits and veggies. Place Ronan into the same room with her and no joke, they are polar opposites. I don't know what to do.

Other parents/non-parents have said to me that they would starve the kid before giving in and cooking the nuggets. I get that. I have said the same thing. I have fought with myself mentally and outright have told Ronan he won't be eating anything until he eats a banana. It never works out. Battle of the wills and Ronan will win. I admit it. But, I am tired of the hypothetical advice...I need Supernanny with me to get me through that moment.

So of course, I researched. "Feeding picky toddler with allergies" and "toddler won't eat fruit and veggies" and "I'm ripping out my hair trying to feed my kid" -- and everything seems to go back to pureeing and hiding the veggies in fruit. I'd love to do that. I'd love to puree veggies and put them in pasta sauce. He doesn't eat pasta or pasta sauce. He doesn't like the wet texture. While we had him eating pizza (sans cheese) and extra sauce, he did a 180 one day and refused pizza, eating only crust. Do I want him to dip into sauces? Sure! Except he won't even play with it.

I get through the day thinking that it can't last forever...but when he lets out a huge cough or gets a fever, I blame myself because I can't get him to eat. I can't even get him to lick a gummy vitamin. Mother-of-the-Year nominee, right here, people.