Please Clean Up Your Doggie Poo

Dear Mr. Owner of a Dog Who Drops Deuces The Size of a Large Meatloaf:

Honest to goodness, sir...could you not show us the common courtesy of picking up your dog's steaming pile of dog crap after he or she unloads it? Is it going to be necessary for me to set up surveillance to catch you in the act of stopping in front of my house or my neighbor's house, waiting for your dog to do it's duty and then looking around slowly before you make your way to your home, where your lawn is probably empty and free of turds?

I would gladly provide you a bag. I get a dozen everytime I go grocery shopping. I'm sure you do too. Unless you bought the canvas bag and you bring that everytime you go grocery shopping, so as to not pollute the Earth any further with plastic that is unable to disintegrate. Perhaps that is why you choose to allow your dog to defacate into my yard, thereby fertizing the grass that is great need of TLC. Please sir, if that is the case, then could you not do me the honor of at least spreading the poo in an even layer across my lawn.

I would also be appreciative if you wouldn't mind pushing your dog's arse into the grass, rather than letting him shake off the last nugget onto the sidewalk. My children walk on the sidewalk and occasionally, I pull into the driveway with my vehicle which also goes over the sidewalk. In the event that your dog does leave it on the sidewalk, I would just prefer not to make it a permanent fixture because I'm careless with my car and happen to press it into the concrete.

I thank you for your time and hope that one day, you don't find all those various poops strategically placed in your lawn or on your walkway by your furious neighbors who have stepped in it or had their children accidentally fall in it. I will make a request with the homeowners association that I be allowed to have a stand outside my home with a bag dispenser for your use.

Sincerely,
The Neighbor Who Has To Yell At Her Children To Not Step In The Poop Everytime We Are Outside.